There are some things I’d like to say about this amazing and simple, challenging and transformative discipline. Which is good, because that’s what this blog is meant to do…anyway…
Firstly, I have been reminded that God loves our trying. Which is fortunate, because, it turns out, I’m not very good at meditation. But I can keep trying.
Secondly I have learnt that I can fall asleep REALLY quickly and so my trying to meditate is sometimes all that happens.
In starting this journey, I was very aware that I knew that I would feel pretty inadequate – surely all these disciplines are for the spiritual giants. How would I become someone who gets up at the crack of dawn, meditates for an hour, intercedes for two and has breakfast made all in time for work?
I learnt pretty quickly, that that they’re actually for the everyday-plod-along-and-do-your-bests of the faith. Turns out that they are for me. Which is ace. That somehow, it’s my TRYING that counts. Obviously, as I grow in practicing them, I’ll get better and then the goal changes…but at first, I know that the trying is really important, it’s the attempt that counts right now. Me just trying to stop, spend time with the Lord, meditate on His word or nature or whatever, that’s good. Because it’s loads more than not trying to do it.
I dunno if you’re anything like me, but I’ve realised that if something doesn’t work pretty quickly for me, that I’d rather not do it. I’d rather quit on something than be crap at it…but I’ve decided that you can’t be crap at this, if you’re actually trying. Which means that what I decided at first was a failure, was a massive success. Success is found in the attempt.
So, the first time I tried it, I was sat in a VERY comfy seat. I mean, ridiculously comfy. The perfect spot, perfect temperature, I’d just eaten, I was relaxed…So I decided to try to meditate. It felt like a good time…turns out not. I promptly fell asleep, woke up 25 minutes later and had to get back to work.
Good start, Si.
Next time, though, it was a bit better. I managed to sit there and think, reflect and whatnot for a little while. It was better. Although it felt a bit like wasting time. Surely I should be praying or reading the bible or something. DOING something…not just sitting there trying to not do anything…
Next time, though, it was a bit better (there’s a common theme there). I spent time pondering a passage of the bible, imagining myself in it, feeling it, smelling it, hearing it (you get the idea)…it was amazing. It opened up this passage in a fresh way, I felt it rather than read it. It was ace.
Before I get carried away with my own achievements though, I fell asleep again the next time.
But I didn’t feel bad at all this time round. Coz I was trying. And I know the more I do it, the better I’ll get. The more I sit there, wasting time in the presence of God, the more it becomes the place I need to be to function each day.
I’m excited to get there, but I know it’ll take a while.
For now, I’m content with one step progress, with success that is measured in minutes and with surprise sleep!
So, my quick summary…
- The spiritual disciplines are hard, but totally worth it.
- At first, success is in the attempt.
- Meditation is life giving, because it’s never wasting time sitting at the feet of our Father.